My journey to my first NPC Bikini Competition on September 7th has been a long one, rewinding to November of last year. I had been inspired by a former IFBB top Figure Pro, “Siren” on Gladiators and a friend, Valerie Waugaman. She gave me the push to complete one of my ultimate goals: prepare to step on stage as a bikini competitor.
My former boyfriend is a trainer, and he helped give me the guidance of a plan. Even trainers need trainers Ha! As my past blogs have attested, I attempted my diligent umpteenth weeks out progress posts with accompanying pictures only to lose motivation, confidence and drive a few months later. Every time I cheated on my diet or skipped a workout, I felt like a failure even though I worked out twice a day, six days a week, ate six times a day and prepped for four days at a time for months. Now, for any client, friend or family member who is making progress, any slip up, I would not punish, but for myself, I felt like I should be able to be perfect at this. Interestingly, this competition was the only thing I couldn’t do…until now.
I grew up trying to do everything well because I had so many interests but I carried with me overwhelming anxiety that I wasn’t good enough. Because of my need to try harder, I fell short with low self-esteem and major body image issues as a teen that still held some remnants into my twenties like glue I couldn’t scrape off. I could go on TV and perform, live in my car or crash at friends initially to survive in LA and hold multiple full-time jobs. However, I couldn’t stick to my own proper diet and exercise regime as a trainer, group fitness instructor, yoga and Pilates instructor with ten years experience who is a Masters of Social Work candidate focusing on the connection between mental health and physical health?! I felt like a fraud, and ended up gaining back the pounds and bodyfat I had lost and then some in March of this year.
My turning point came when I met my fitness inspiration and trainer IFBB Figure Olympia Pro Nicole Wilkins the following month. The first pictures are those I sent to Nicole in April of this year. The next pictures are five months later in September of this year at my competition. As I prepped, I felt a loss every time I occasionally cheated or skipped a workout. I needed to look at my comparisons to see all that I did accomplish.
I am proud of my work, and enjoy working with my trainer who has ultimately made me better not just physically but more grateful, appreciative and excited for the future in what I have always wanted to do in addition to acting: work in the mass media in health and fitness. I have so much support from friends and family, and I love hearing that others are inspired to get in better shape now too. My goal is to help people do the best they can at any given time and that “the best they can” is great enough.